There is a possible bonfire at my house friday night. You're all invited.

There is a Yellow Springs Street Fair on Saturday, I will be there.

My number is 313 617 4815. My phone busted on the cruise (the maid shut it in the bunk bed) so i dont have very many of your numbers. So. call me.

im losing more and more faith in everybody except for very few dayton kids (it's about down to a 5 of people i still consider good friends) and pittsburgh kids (about 5 again) and my 3 good friends and windsor,including the love of my life, are still holding strong.

im sorry i have 26 hours of class every week. im sorry i got a job. im sorry i dont hang out due to being sick, sleeping inbetween classes, or going to windsor every other weekend. and im sorry im the only person i know besides the people i go to school with who knows what it feels like to be this busy in the summer and feel horrible for not having fun with everyone else.



but then again im terribly lucky to have those i still hold close and who still do the same for me.

and im lucky to have morgan who has been one of the 4 people who have even tried to come see me in pittsburgh now that i've lived here for over a year. but everyone else will go see myspace girls or boys and friends they have over the internet and not real life or have known very shortly compared to me.

the ones that dont matter are slowly but surely starting to show their true colors. and its sweet.

i've been at ozzy's since tuesday, i skipped wednesday and thursday classes because im a rebel. this trip has been full of hangouts with pat, tiff, amanda, dave, shondra and everybody else. ozzy, his neighbor, and his mom are outside putting together a new grill so we can bbq like no others.

i really missed him. a lot. 3 weeks and we only talked 5 times i think for about 4-5 minutes each time.

i would like to thank hardcore for the following things that have happened the past couple days:
-backyard shows featuring 100 demons, let it die, and xkill everyonex
-weed
-booze crew
-the best broads in windsor
-chris purification's sweet car
-girl taaaalk (condoms.)
-creepy dudes that talk to me at gas stations
-aaron mosh's leap of faith off the garage into the pool
-the beautiful people
-and i cant even think of anything else.too much stuff happened this time in the motherland.

i still cant help but feel so left out.

i cant be as good of friends with molly, sandy, betsy, morgan, janna, and andrea as i would like to be. i know it's because im the one that left dayton and im not saying i regret it..im just starting to feel forgotten i guess. i dont have many girl friends and it's not so great to feel like i've lost or am in the process of losing the ones i do have.

or it could be it's almost 3 am and im listening to ugly casanova and im just letting things get to me.

i wont stop listening to the deftones. i found all my old cd's when i went home, im once again in love with chino..sorry, ozzy.

ozzy comes home in 4 days..i will see him 5 days.
i leave for greece/italy in 1 month and 6 days.
claire and bronwyn will be hanging out in the burgh in about a week or 2.
everyone needs to go to pat's next thursday for ozzy's "im home" par-tay.
going to a flea market sunday with jacob.
going to see a cinderella story tonight with julie..i <3 hilary duff.

i miss dayton. i miss randy. i miss morgan. i miss everyone.
i'll be home one more time before i leave for europe, the weekend of the 29th, tiffy and brian's reception.

jake got in a car accident. that's lame. but he's okay..i just get really scared when i hear things like that.

classes are getting intense. especially news. i hate news photography..i never want to be a news photojournalist. even if you do get paid well. psychology is sort of hard..i understand everything she says when she's teaching, it all makes perfect sense..but when it comes to the test i just go blank, i cant think of anything, no matter how hard i study. but im still managing to pull off a B.

now for hilary duff.

was amazing. seriously.

thanks to everyone that hung out.
and thanks for the following things:
-brian being a creep.
-erik touching my sister.
-molly for girl talk and just being you.
-morgan for the squishy face.
-sandy and betsy for being the hottest siblings ever.
-kyle for throwing the bonfire and being one of the best friends i've ever had.
-cooper for being a dayton lady magnet.
-andrea for letting me sing to her. very badly.
-justin for wearing his swim trunks at his nipples.
-sean for starting the water balloon extravaganza.
-and waffle house for not kicking us out.

i saw a kid i dated 4 years ago..used to be an edge/hardcore kid..now is a drunk thug/preppy type dude. he was whack. im so lucky to have who i have now and to have the life that i do.

go to molly's journal to see my bowl o grits.

that's about it.

THE CAUFIELD PRINCIPLE
ONE DEAD THREE WOUNDED
MARCH OF ROME
THUMBSC/KREW (sp?)

AT TIMMY AND SARAH ANN'S HOUSE SUNDAY AT 7:30..BE THERE!
call for directions
313-617-4815


1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

im in my tenth of 14 hours of class..fuckin thursdays.

ozzy called today, he's doing well..but i miss him.

having these hour-3hour breaks inbetween class sucks. it's not enough time to go back to the apartment or print. it's just enough time to get sick of the internet and complain about the artic conditions in this place. seriously, never again will i wear a skirt and tshirt when it's 90 degrees outside just because i know im coming here and it's below 50. i hate it.

so my car broke down, right. it turns out it's the head gasket once again. i'm selling it for five hundred to either this guy mike who offered to buy it last time this happened that works with jason's brother or jason and his brother are going to buy it for their sister who turns 16 soon and they're just going to fix it up. im sort of sad..it wont be summer anymore with morgan, janna, or randio without the del sol. top off, music anywhere from caliban to kriss kross to johnny cash. i seriously love that car, the PERFECT first car..minus all the shit-loops. i seriously feel like im selling a part of me. and that's lame..never become attached to a car. haha.

im going home tomorrow night..and a free waffle house invitation goes out to all. seriously, i need this hangout more than anything right now. i cant wait to see TCP and joe on sunday and possibly saturday. i just want my friends right now. not to mention, ozzy.

on the posi side..i will be riding in luxury in the riv. minus the fact that there's no A/C. but fuck it..who needs A/C when you got butt warming seats in the winter right? i guess.

PEACE.
xxx

my car broke down again.

on the way to work.

it was sweet.

either another blown head gaskett or multiple blown tubes.

i kicked it. left a dent. but it didnt make my car run.

started working at delias..it's sweet. hot bitches for patrick and cool clothes for me.

getting my glasses renewed and a bike this weekend.

school is good.

ozzy is gone. it sucks.

im on my "i only listen to 5 bands" kick again.
-donny brook
-hazen st
-bottom line
-atmosphere
-e.town

morgan's in louisiana. patrick is in canada. joe is sick. jake works. chris is cheap on gas. i need new friends.

haha. sike.

late.

well, i'm sure you've heard by now about hellfest..here's my highlights and what not..

-spending the whole time with ozzy even if we did argue..it's what we do.
-"Let's hear it for whit cum!" (that's for you, patrick.)
-riding there and back with joe, aj, cliff, and aaron
-"mmmeeooowww Stacy, why won't you let me in..mmeeeooowwww"
-aj's banana hands
-DBO hooking it up with hotel and pass
-touching marissa's ass. repeatedly.
-hanging with sandy and betsy until we got seperated after bleeding through
-seeing dayton, minneapolis, cincy, michigan, erie kids
-meeting all the new kids.
-running for my life during badluck 13..over and over again. just when you thought it was safe..
-having pictures of the badluck riot
-having a picture with the one who willingly got his head busted open with a flourescent light tube and him drinking while saying to me "dont worry babe, i aint gonna touch you in the wrong ways!"
-david halfawaffle
-day of contempt, a perfect murder, death by stereo, caliban, etown concrete, death threat, xdeathstarx, 100 demons, donny brook, love is red, shattered realm, blacklisted, prayer for cleansing, figure four, merauder, 25 ta life, and badluck 13.
-the only downer = every band sold out of my size at like 2 everyday.
-getting lost in the ghetto
-tire popping in the ghetto and I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW HOW TO WORK A JACK! out of the 4 boys and 2 undercover cops who happened to be going to hellfest on saturday. weird.
-me and lear picking out bad mosh for about 45 minutes
-if i think of more i'll post it.

elizabeth, new jersey is a shithole with a great venue.

ozzy is leaving wednesday until august 17th to go to turkey to visit his family. it's awesome, but sort of lame for me.

i got a job at delias, i start this week.

im tired.

going to bed at 11:42 am is where it's at.

so as of late i've quit the internet..the only reason im on now is because im home in germantown and have nothing better to do.

my life has been sweet.

dodgeball is better than anchorman(not by much.)yeah, i said it. IT'S BETTER.

and the notebook is a horrible movie..horrible as in sweet ass.

i owe my happiness as of right now to a certain group of six girls and a chicken salad croissant. well, and those two boys that we treat like girls. and ozzy..but that goes without saying.

the list of people i've seen in these past 3 weeks of summer break is intense and far too long to post names..but if i saw you, please know you made this break worth while. in 3 days i will be back in action at GAY-I-P.

it's almost been 8 months with ozzy and i..and i have nothing else to say about it other than every day i fall deeper and deeper in love with him and i know he's my one and only.



so why waste another day - turning our backs and walking away?...
because i cant stand feeling nothing - i cant stand feeling old.
i cant stand standing for nothing when standing up is all i've known.
-rumbleseat (if you dont know this band you should.)




SB 2K4 PARTY woo! CREW

Janna, everytime I call you it says your number is temporarily out of service, if there's anyway you can call me, dooo it.

<3

so as if i wasnt stressed enough this week with finals...

the alternator went out on my bravada, rush hour traffic, middle lane, boulevard of the allies. sweet life.

cop wouldnt wait for AAA so he called a city tow which would cost 110 bucks. out of nowhere a white trash angel came in a tow truck and towed me to southside for 30 bucks.

getting my car worked on as i type. 300 bucks.

this almost ruined virginia beach, but my grandparents are unreal.




so i've had it. i'll be a fucking crusty bike rider from now on. unless something is out of the city limits, no more cars for me. i just need a bike now.

I had a completely amazing weekend. Thursday I stayed the night with Smelly, and minus all the drama that went on with telephone calls, it was sweet. Me, her, Jamie G, and Katie all watched the mtv movie awards and chilllled. Friday Mel and I left for Dayton, got there and Ben tried to creep Mel out by looking like a perverted white trash hick and watching porn..but I guess Mel is totally cool with those kinds of people? Anyways, Justin came over, the AB boys showed up and then we headed to the show and I saw everyone. At first I didn't know anybody. Seriously, gathering grounds kids EVERYWHERE. You leave for a year and that's what happens I guess. AB played an awesome set. Who needs a bass player anyways? Travis probably has my 1st place spot for favorite stage presence right now. Morgan, Molly, Mel, Andrea, Lauren, Macko, Kyle, Ben, Nathan, Chris, Justin, Erin, Colin, Travis, Matt, Sandy, Betsy, and RAVI were all there. (If I forgot you, sorry, it's late.) But the highlight of my night was when we were at Kyle's and I was getting ready to go to bed and Randy walked in. I seriously almost cried because it's been almost a year since I saw him last. We talked about some stuff going on in his life and what not. Then I hit the sack after he left because we both decided to get up real early to head to the Yellow Springs street fair. Highlights were:
-vegetarian black bean nachos
-eating them while on teeter totter talking with Randy.
-Hanging out with mom and Lauren.
-Morgan.
-Funnel cakes and Lemon shake ups.

Not so highlight:
-seeing that one girl who basically broke up with me as a friend almost 2 years ago.

The rest of saturday was dedicated to family until about 8 when I headed over to Stephanie's to hang with Ravi, her, Mel, Molly, Timmy For Kids (who will always be known as that.), Kyle and Eric. Spaghetti and a little bit of girl talk with Molly.

Sunday was Morgan's grad party and it was the most fun I had all weekend I think. Gregbob, Brian, Mel, Nathan, Britney, Betsy, Sandy, Sean, Chris, Kyle, Molly, and WILLIAM! were all there. Obsene pictures were taken and deleted. I bought Morgan plenty of chapstick to make up for the lack of present I made and left in windsor with Ozzy.

My last week of class is very close to being over. Then Saturday the love of my life gets into town, Sunday is TPTD who I miss way too much, and Monday we head to Virginia Beach.

The weekend did however lack two people, Janna (I'm calling you tomorrow) and Erik. Assholes.

HOLLA.

-drove home last weekend to take fashion shots.
-people couldnt/didnt call of work.
-no fashion shots.
-did a "day in the life" type deal on my grandma.
-we'll see if i pass.

-stretch/terrot/out to win last night.
-two new shirts. (i rarely buy band shirts anymore.)
-hung out with allie, joe, steel, christian, and chelle afterwards at tom's.
-fun.

-staying at melodie's tomorrow night.
-melodie, katie, and i will be leaving for dayton early on friday. MINI ROADTRIP 2K4.
-let the weekend of hangouts begin.

-my sleeping problems have become out of control. i havent slept past 7:30 in almost two weeks. and even then i couldnt sleep past 8:30 or 9. no matter what time i go to bed, 7:30 it is. and if i dont go to sleep the very minute i feel tired..i wont fall asleep for hours. then i continue to wake up every half hour. here's to being sleep deprived.

-im never going to listen to any other group that's not run dmc.

Sunday, on our way to a BBQ at Andrea's and then camping in Romeo, Ozzy and I got into a car accident. We were going westbound driving about 45ish when some guy turned to go eastbound out of a parking lot on our side and hit us at a 90 degree angle (on my side of the car). Ozzy was at no fault. Nobody was hurt, just a headache from hitting the right side window, a bruise and sore from the seatbelt for me and Ozzy's neck hurt a little bit, but that was it.


So this really got me thinking. I really CAN die at any moment. And I honestly dont want to keep living my life how I'm living it now. I'm cutting ties and burning bridges. It used to be so hard but now I'm ready. I'm going to actually make things better for myself rather than trying to step around the daisies trying to make you feel better.

I also need numbers of the following people:
-justin wilson
-erik
-kyle (i lost it when i switched cell phones)

A lot of us have changed within this past year. Me, included. And like Molly said..
"I like who I am now. I'm sorry if you don't."
Except, I'm really not sorry. I realize now who my true family is, and you will never be taken for granted.






"With a gun shoved down your throat,
I wonder what you feel.
With a gun shoved down your throat,
I wonder WHAT YOU FEEL.

Would you pray for life?
Would you feel regret?
Would you pray for life?
Would you FINALLY feel regret?"

morgan graduates today.

tell her you hope she falls.

i love you little black sister.

Date:	2004-05-26 11:10
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	fuck hardcore. kci &jojo

$816.29 to fix the bravada...

brA-Vada out, riviera in.

let's see how many cars will break down on me in a month. so far it's two! can we go for one more?







school is busy. busy...and busy. i have all a's right now, but it's hard to keep them up. im honestly at school at least 9 hours everyday printing and shooting in the studio. it's not really that sweet. i dont have time to hangout, this past weekend was the first weekend i got to hang out with anybody in a really long time. i've been to windsor only once in like the past month and a half..but i get to go this weekend once my mom brings the riviera up on friday. i was hoping to leave thursday night to beat memorial day traffic..but it seems i'll be hitting it as soon as i get into detroit around 5-6. but he's the only reason im as positive as i have been lately. when it all goes to hell, i still have him waiting on me.

i've been thinking a lot about my dayton friends lately. it's almost been a year since i moved away from them..and i can honestly say i'll never have another group of friends like my dayton family. although there are a few friends in pittsburgh i hold as closely as them, you just can't beat dayton. as shitty as that city is, i'd go back in a heartbeat if i could now.

i've also been thinking about dave, derrick, and peter a lot. and how everytime i go to visit them something always messes up. so hear this you three...i have a 3 week break from june 19-july 12. from the 21-25 i will be at virginia beach, so sometime between the 27-12, i WILL be in louisville. let me know when the best time will be for you guys.

and i still wonder how panda is doing, even though i shouldnt. if levi is making the best of his aspirations. if brandon and mike got dragged down by their addictions. and if jacky is really as clean as she told me. it's harder to burn bridges and wipe slates clean than everyone says it is.

but at least i can say im making it.

Date:	2004-05-22 23:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	kci and jojo-all my life.

it's 11:34..im waiting on ozzy to get here..which will be in about 3 hours...and so here is this. im bored.


Thirteen random things you like:
01) text messages that i cant reply to
02) strawberries w/ melted chocolate
03) best of snl dvds
04) late night hangouts
05) oatmeal creme pies
06) photoj workshops
07) ozzy kissing my forehead
08) christopher walken
09) little chicago's pizza
10) kickballxsoldiers
11) catchy pop punk
12) the hole
13) halfricans

Twelve movies: (these are just my faves)
01) heathers
02) evil dead
03) joe dirt
04) white oleander
05) punch drunk love
06) stand by me
07) any 80's highschool clique movies
08) kids
09) any kevin smith
10) big fish
11) welcome to the dollhouse
12) oldschool, the way of the gun, shawshank remdemption, zoolander, etc.

Eleven good bands/artists:
01) hot water music
02) hilary duff
03) run dmc
04) surcease
05) xkillxeveryonex
07) stretch armstrong
08) xlooking forwardx
09) h2o
10) alkaline trio
11) desperate measures

Ten things about you ... physically:
01) people like my eyes...
02) my feet smell.
03) curvy
04) naturally curly afro.
05) my toe nail is going to fall off from dropping numerous heavy items on it in one week then luke stomping on it twice at a show.
06) brownish/blonde hair.
07) red toe nails.
08) pale.
09) man hands
10) tittayz

Nine good friends:
01) ozzy
02) julie
03) janna
04) morgan
05) smelodie
06) deafxkyle
07) tiffy
08) jake
09) joe, jason

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) rasberries
02) spaghetti
03) grape flavored propel
04) general tso's chicken
05) little chicago's pizza
06) thai food
07) anything ozzy's mom makes me
08) quizno's

Seven things you wear daily:
01) flip flops
02) camo/jean/green/black skirts/shorts
03) boyshorts
04) bobby pins
05) soia hoodie
06) black/white/grey tank top
07)canvas belt

Six things that annoy you:
01) gayip sic maggots
02) friends constantly making fun of each other
03) fat girls in tight clothing
04) the fat girl in my aesthetics class who smokes cigars
05) the fat guy in my aesthetics class with a lisp that relates everything to the matrix.
06) messageboards

Five things you touch everyday:
01) shampoo/conditioner
02) arby
03) car door
04) school id
05) laptop

Four shows you watch:
01) snl
02) animal planet
03) pride fighting
04)
Three celebrities you have a crush on:
01) christopher walken
02) hilary duff
03) the neighbor kid on even stevens...he's like 5.

Two people on lj that you have kissed
01) morgan
02) janna

One person you could spend the rest of your life with
01) not ozzy...sike.


LAST...
*movie you rented = 21 grams..but i never got to watch it.
*Movie you bought = zoolander
*song you listened to = boyz II men: water runs dry
*song that was stuck in your head = hot water music's cover of radio
*Cd you bought = i burn them
*Person you've called = julie
*person that's called you = ozzy
*TV show you've watched = best of christopher walken on snl
*Person you were thinking of = janna.
*Friend you made = no one lately really
DO...
*you have a crush on someone = turkish homos
*You wish you could live somewhere else = yeah
*You think about suicide = pussy.
*you believe in online dating = cyber sex rulllles.
*Others find you attractive = shit yeah.
*You want more piercing = NO
*You drink = propel and juice
*You do drugs = i love coke.
*You smoke = i dont need to smoke. coke is all i need.
*you like cleaning = i did today
*You like roller coasters = immensely.
*You write in cursive or print = both
FAVORITE...
*food = thai food right now.
*song = kci and jojo- all my life
*thing to do = walking downtown when it's not 90 degrees out..and hugging him.
*thing to talk about = who dances the hardest.
*sport = kickballxsoldiers
*clothes = my camo shorts
*movies = i cant narrow them down
*singer = chuck ragan
*holiday = used to be july 4th at randys
*memory = the summer of stacy, randy and janna
HAVE YOU...
*ever cried over a girl = yep
*ever cried over a boy = haha
*ever lied to someone = yep, but you can always tell when i lie.
*ever been in a fist fight = yeah
*ever been arrested = kiddie porn
WHAT...
*shampoo do you use = daily defense shampoo and conditioner
*shoes do you wear = flip flops and vans
*are you scared of = the obvious.
*number of hearts I have broken? = heartbreaker according to erik
*number of girls I have kissed? = lots of them on the cheek..but jacky on the lips in 5th grade on a dare.
*number of boys I have kissed? = 473483749832432432
*number of girls I've slept with? = janna and morgan mostly
*number of boys I've slept with? = ozzy and randy mostly
*number of I could trust with my life type friends? = my daytonxfamily for sure. burghxfamily also.
*number of people I consider my enemies? = 2
*number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = a lot. i was sweet ass in highschool
*number of scars on my body? =a lot..i was a farm girl
*number of things in my past that I regret? = not opening my eyes when told to.
FAVORITE...
• disney movie = shrek
• word = BUST!
• nickname = stacexface
• guy name = ozgur
• girl name = cunt
• eye color = brown
• flower = my grandma's roses
• piercing = septum
• actor = jack black/christopher walken/vince vaughn
• actress = the girl off of white oleander
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
• pretty = im hot shit.
• funny = i tell stupid stories
• hot = shit.
• friendly = yeah, why not.
• amusing = tp myself
• ugly = nah
• loveable= sure
• caring = most of the time
• sweet = most of the time
• dorky = yeah.
DESCRIBE YOUR..
• wallet = vans canvas wallet
• hairbrush = black with purple things on the ends of the bristles
• toothbrush = clear and pink
• jewelry worn daily = none
• pillow cover = teenage mutant ninja turtles
• blanket = my gee gee
• coffee cup = i dont drink that shit
• sunglasses = white and square
• underwear = assorted boyshorts
• favorite shirt = my gap tank
• perfume/cologne = victorias secret endless love/lovespell
• CD in stereo right now = mix of h2o/andrew wk/harvest/x never again x
• tattoos = none.
• what you are wearing now = jersey shorts, hoods "pray for death" shirt
• in my mouth = rasberries
• in my head = zombies.
• wishing = ozzy would get here.
• after this = going to sleep with ozzy.
• fetishes = kiddie porn
• person you wish you could see right now = janna, morgan, tiffy, and randy.
• something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month = VIRGINIA BEACH 2K4!!
• the last thing you ate = rasberries
• something that you are deathly afraid of = i hate ghost stories. and stories about those roads that every town has. fuck those. they give me anxiety attacks.
• do you like candles = yeah
• do you like the taste of blood = mmmmmm
• do you believe in love = of course
• do you believe in soul mates = of course
do you believe in Heaven = for sure.
• what do you want done with your body when you die = i want a golden cast made out of it so people can worship me.
• if you could have any animal for a pet = a manatee
• what is the latest you've ever stayed up = i've pulled 3 all nighters in a row
• what's your favorite coin = loonies.
• what are some of your favorite candies = sour straws, reese pieces
• something that you wish people would understand = there's more to my life than who dances hard
• what's something you wish you could understand better = fashionxcore trends
• who is someone that you really wish was still around = randy.

im done. im even more bored than i was when i started.

313.617.4815

i lost some of the numbers on my other phone because it just decided to delete some i guess...so if you want me to have your number, leave me a comment or email it to me..

todaywillbreak@hotmail.com

:edit:

go here..

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040519/234/726q1.html

weird.